Friday, August 7, 2009

you put the note in my pocket again

maybe it's just me, and i'm the only one who has a problem with this. i met up with an old friend from high school again today, at a fire, and the whole time, all i could think about was how well we got along, both then and now, and how he's still ridiculously attractive. and while i hesitate to use the word 'crush' that's about as accurate as i can make it. and i don't want it.
but i feel it, so intensely, this weird, almost sick attraction to the guy, it makes my heart hurt and my stomach turn to knots. worse thing is, he's probably not attracted at all. then again, that's always been the case, so i suppose that isn't what hurts the most. well, maybe it is.
this is so much like high school that i just don't even want to think about it, but i figure it'd be better for me to say something somewhere than keep it locked up inside me, festering until i do something stupid.
oh wait, that might already be happening.
his house on saturday, maybe. i almost hope it doesn't go through, since i just don't want to deal with that potential disaster, but then again i want it to, just so i can be around him for a little longer before i have to go back to school and all of the people that i don't feel a connection with.

golly. this sure is fucked up.